Th Post-Anger Episode Tale

Being angry with everything around you does not solve anything. People are always angry these days. Because they are never satisfied with their lives. I am never satisfied and that angers me. My whinning and my complaining tires me. Why does man have to be so greedy, so insatiable, so ungodly miserable that they only see the bad things in their lives? I am like that most of the times and I hate my greediness because that makes me sad and grumpy and it prevents me from having fun and really enjoying myself. I did not use to be like that, I know. I used to be fun, smiley and so funny. Now I am grumpy, sad and always thinking of how to get by financially. I never use to think about money or its purpose. I never use to care or if I did I wasn't letting them take over my life.Now it seems that they are there in front of me, waiting at every corner, to suck me in, to make me bow to them, and whorship them. I am not a follower of money.I always abhorred money and what it does to people. It has my parents under constant stress and struggle for over twenty five years and I always thought I had to fight against money to not become one of its followers. But here I am. Angry as hell, and I am taking on the money. I hate people who love it and people who whorship it. People who make it their purpose in life and not their means. I hate the fact that people in today's society think that in order to progress you gotta have money, instead of brains or passion or hope. I hate the fact that I am angry. I hate the fact that I am force to be so many miles away from the people I love to be able to fight in order to give them half what they have given me so many years. But most of all I am anrgy I am angry. I am tired of being tired. And I hate it that I hate so many things, instead of expressing all the love and all the goodness in me I am cruel and harsh and I choose the path of loneliness to be able to offer things to others in the near future.

I am not an idealist and I am not a romantic. Although I'd very much like to be one. I am not a realist. I am a person living and beathing. With normal dreams and normal wants and needs. I want love. I will have love. I have love. I am thankful I have my two legs, one left, one right, I am thankful I have my two eyes, two hands and have a voice. I want to voice myself. Not mute it any longer. But I am bound by the social norms sadly. Therefore I will believe more and hope for the best. Calm myself and learn to relax when anger takes over. I will learn how to breathe, steady and with ease. And I will remember to smile and be thankful for the things I have and not be angered by the things I do not have.

Blessing in Disguise Tale

Given the past five minutes I am really reconsidering my plans for my future in the current house I am living in. in starting out a new life and not having much money you’re bound to accept any rudeness and unwelcoming-ness from random people who live with you under the same roof. You’re obligated to put up with them just because you have no choice no matter how much they degrade you and no matter how awful they treat you, cause lets face it folks; if you ain’t gotta much money or connections in a big city like London, you have to put up with a lot of shit to put yourself forward, don’t you?

So in the past year I have experienced abandonment, loneliness, degradation, aggressiveness, manipulation, isolation, exclusion and hate. All of them negative feelings I know. But in retrospect to everything that has happened to me I realized that within all these awful things, I am still alive. I am lucky enough to breathe, to see, to walk and speak. I am lucky to think. I am lucky to be able to watch movies, to be able to write and have dreams. Some people don’t even have that. Sadly. And I get so mad that even though I got abandoned and cast aside by all of my university friends, I am fighting my own fight alone, and on top of it I have to put up with my obnoxious housemates who all they seem to be thinking is Britney Spears’ shoes, Jordan and Peter Andre’s holidays and Lady GaGa’s dress. They blame you for everything they think that goes wrong, they assume you are the most sinfully boring creature in the world for not talking about Beyonce’s new hit and instead you’d like to talk about existentialism and nationalism and history. My god how boring I am to their eyes. How boring I sound to everyone to actually believe that humanity was not an accident and that we didn’t just happen to have happened in this third rock of our universe.

I am cynical in my own right and I hate air-headed people who cannot see beyond their surface. Dig deeper and you’ll a darkness so overwhelming you’d feel the urge to search for light for the rest of your life.

That is why I am most convinced that maybe it was a blessing that all my friends have left me. Maybe it was a blessing that I am struggling by myself for a better future away from my beloved parents, away from my beautiful ideal home country, and that maybe all of these things which I consider awful and sad that are happeing to me are making me a better person, making me even more mature and making me see life in a whole new way; perhaps a way that these housemates of mine will never be able to see. Everyone see the worlds as they are shaped to see it, some lighter than others some darker than others. Either way I resist to accept any form of defeat, even if at the end I do not get to accomplish exactly what I set out to do I still would be left with the life’s journey full of harsh but worthwhile experiences to tell perhaps some day to others.